Like Dental School Without Ever Seeing Teeth

Lawyer college references practical issues in passing. Rarely in the course of the standard law school experience will a student take a class called “Scanning and Discerning Large Files” or “ProDoc and You” or “Depositions 101.” And that’s why I took a job on top of my course load. I’d be embarrassed to get out there as a freshly minted attorney, suited up and rearin’ to go, without the vaguest idea of how basic law firm software works or what court documents look like. I’m pretty sure I’ve heard from numerous attorneys this line or some variation on it: “When I started I didn’t know what the hell I was doing.” There’s a problem in that statement.Shouldn’t law school be a mixture of theory and the practical? I like legal theory and all, It makes me feel warm and all scholarly. But I’m not here with the goal of one day telling a client about how I’ll whip out the Coase Theorem to razzle dazzle a judge hearing a dispute over a property line. I already have my arts and crafts degree, now I’d like something useful. I’ll probably hate myself one day for saying this, but part of the reason I wanted to come to BLS was for Practice Court because it provides legitimate practice.

I don’t take issue with required classes – obviously you need to know fundamentals of various legal areas. It’d be sort of hard to assist in a personal injury case but not know how negligence works. And yes, there are externships and summer gigs with firms, courts and agencies, where you pick up crucial skills. But compare that to the rest of the standard issue legal curriculum. That’s a pretty small snippet of the entire shebang.

The most common retort I’ve heard in defense of the present system is that law school teaches you to “think like a lawyer.” I can appreciate this response because it appears, at this stage, that a good chunk of lawyering is researching and solving questions to which you don’t know the answer. So, learning how to find, collect, organize and massage information are critical skills and law school teaches you how to go to the rodeo with all that. Fair enough. But these are critical skills required for all kinds of jobs. So really, maybe that phrase should just be that law school teaches you to “think like a person who is gainfully employed in some white collar job.” Let’s at least be honest with our catchphrases and glittering generalities. What’s missing from this phrase is the following: Law school “teaches you to think like a person who is gainfully employed in some white collar job AND is able to serve as a competent practitioner.”

I’ve said it once and I’ll say it a million times: The fact that the American legal education model does not include some kind of apprenticeship/nuts-and-bolts component as a mandatory part of the curriculum is sort of insane. Could you imagine a class like Contracts, where you actually draft a pretend contract? Or what about in Property – scanning chain of title for snafus? Or GASP! Reading an insurance document for Torts.

Med students are required to dissect cadavers and work as residents (even if they’re not going to become surgeons). Most teachers are required to work as student-teachers. Even cosmetologists get to practice styling hair before attaining licensure. So why is it that this sometimes hideously complex and opaque profession is one of the few that says to the world, “Well, if you go to school for 3 years, pass a bunch of classes, read Palsgraf and International Shoe and some other cool stuff, pass our big fat test – you too can represent a client’s interests in court!” Am I missing something? Could you imagine going in to see a doctor who tells you “Well I’ve never actually been in an operating room, but I’ve read a lot about them. Trust me, this will turn out splendidly.” If you do, you need a better HMO.

Check this out if legal pedagogy baffles you because it apparently baffles a lot of other people too.

When it’s over

I have become intimately familiar with a new concept. It’s called “Working While On Vacation.”

WWOV creates severe psychological torment. On the one hand, there are so many cool things to be done — napping, playing that shiny new XBox, drinking some delicious egg nog. On the other hand there are LARC assignments, outlining remedies and so forth. When the immovable object of joy and the unstoppable force of work collide, deep down in the recesses of your very soul, a little work hamster wakes up, gets on his squeeky work wheel, and starts moving. He doesn’t believe in the irresistable force paradox.

You can hear the creaking of the work wheel as that hamster says “Let’s go, let’s get this over with.” But the hamster is filled with egg nog and carrots! He can only run so much to get that damn work wheel spinning again before he’s got a stomach cramp. He keeps going. All you hear is the irritating noise of that wheel slowly spinning, reminding you every minute of each day “Take this time and finish your work, get ahead in your classes, it’ll be good in the long run.”  It’s the squeeky sound of the wheel that tells you to get back to it. You try your best to ignore it and enjoy lounging for just one more day. Eventually the noise is too much and you get to it.

And so you sit at your laptop with a plate of ham and cornbread. And then you start thinking about egg nog, the holidays, the Blue Book, hamsters and getting the damn thing done.

Instead, you end up writing an asinine and mildly whimsical post.

Holidaaaaze

It’s going too fast! Slow time down! Regular life is too sweet and filled with bowling, scotch and mirth!

It’s good times back in Austin. I miss this town and medium sized city trappings like restaurants to visit, bars to associate in and interesting things to see.

But law school looms over everything. Waah waaah.

Sometimes good things do happen at BLS

Let me start you with the photo

This is Gears of War 2 played on a large screen. This brings me more excitement than almost anything else in life.

There was a small Christmas fundraiser held on campus last night. $10 entry to play video games on the projector screens. It was glorious in every way conceivable. As time goes by, rooms 120, 122 and 127 feel more and more like I live in them. I eat there, I’ve slept in the chairs, I’ve probably bathed in there. This school does become your second, and during some weeks, your primary home. I’m glad that at least some fun can be had too.

I thought I’d throw in a gratuitous “The Dog Laments the Studying” photo for kicks.