Insomnia

I have had about one hour of sleep in the last 24 hours.

I’ve had sporadic bouts with insomnia as far back as I can remember. My sleep cycle has always been totally whacked out, so I underwent a sleep study last fall and was diagnosed with some vague sleeping disorder (Sleep apnea? Maybe. Chronic fatigue syndrome? Could be. Narcolepsy? Perhaps. Gee whiz, thanks doc). Insomnia in particular is kind of an interesting thing. You know you should be tired and sleeping, but you can’t shut your brain off – it still wants to keep going. The harder you try to fall asleep the more restless you become. Inversely, sometimes when I need to be paying attention my brain will shut off whether or not I like it.

At one time I dreaded insomniac nights because it meant the next day was going to be feeling-like-a-zombie hell day. Sleep deprivation catches up with you in a bad way. But now when I can’t sleep, I don’t try to fight it. It only adds frustration to the zombie sensation. I just stay awake and work on something.

The next 12 hours will be interesting though. There’s nothing quite like going through your day completely unrested. My perception gets totally screwed with. Perspective gets weird – it seems like I’m watching everything through someone else’s eyes except they’re in my eyes. There’s a slight delay in processing visual input. My movements become herky-jerky. Strangely, it’s sometimes easier to focus. Some of my most productive days have been after a night of counting sheep to a power of ten.

I should probably get an MRI or something.